How ridiculous is this movie? Jolie MacGyvers a bazooka out of cleaning supplies and a fire extinguisher. Yeah.
This was rather disappointing. Actually, let me take that back. It wasn't so much as "disappointing" as it was "surprising." And not in a good way, either. The little I heard about this movie gave me the impression that this would become like a Bourne Identity thing where Jolie is running around, trying to find out why folks are chasing her. That could have been interesting. But...
Evelyn Salt [Angelina Jolie] is a CIA agent who was captured, tortured, released, and eventually married to the one who helped orchestrate her release [August Diehl]. Two years go by and, during an interrogation of a Russian defector named Vasilly Orlov [Daniel Olbrychski], Salt is accused of being a Russian sleeper agent. Although dismissed, protocol dictates the Salt be detained; something of which Salt promptly escapes. Several "glorious" action sequences follow, revealing not everyone is whom them appear to be.
The exit to the theater is this way!
Sounds like an interesting concept, yes? Well, have you ever witnessed a story that attempts to shock its audience with plot twists and random turns only far too much? That's what happens here. Note: this isn't necessarily a bad thing. I've watched movies before where the seemingly perpetual twists of plot have brought me to the edge of my seat, enrapturing me within its plot. In Salt, however, everything felt wholly unnatural. That and the fantastic feats we're expected to swallow as credible in this universe are downright ridiculous. Salt does shit that is so absurd, I actually thought for a second it may be a satirical view on action flicks. Sadly, that thought left.
If there a plot here, I lost it. All I saw was one idiotic action-ish scene after another, strung together with dry dialog, and it was surprisingly done so with extremely little entertainment value. So often did I groan while watching this that I was wishing that it'd just get it over with so I could get to writing this. A wish that segues nicely to the ending of this preposterous film: what the hell? So, she falls from a bloody helicopter... into a lake... in the dead of winter... only to run through the woods and escape... to enact some unseen revenge on Russian sleeper agents? Cut to black/credits whilst running through said woods? Fuck you.
Blindly love Jolie flicks? Watch it. Actually, don't. Watch Gia or Original Sin, perv. Shit, rent Tomb Raider and watch that instead. At least there the sheer silliness of it all makes it somewhat enjoyable. Just avoid this one.
...She Macguyvers a bloody bazooka? REALLY‽
RATING:
rock hard. live harder. o_O
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