FotN • Clash of the Titans

a visual orgy :: night at the movies


GRATUITOUS YELLING!
Mythology has always been something I've found intriguing. The story arcs. Epic battles. Hero overcoming incredible odds [usually at the expense of a red shirt here and there]. Good shit. A huge visual application of said mythology on the big screen? Fantastic! A remake of an entertaining classic, updating the storyline and plot? Fairly good track record so far, so yeah! Making it 3D after filming it regularly in order to pad the box office numbers? Awes- wait...

It's rather sad, really. I've watched quite a few films in my day [actually, that's all i really do anymore], and try so desperately to be optimistic when I catch wind of future releases. Unfortunately, being let down has become a seemingly natural occurrence in the movie business. Clash of the Titans definitely falls into the category of "let down". Graphically speaking, it was... decent, at best. 3D was a damn joke. I'm not even going to talk about that failure of an idea. Nothing in CotT has new or exciting. The fights were okay, but ultimately left an unsatisfied residue. We've got dozens of soldiers leaping about trying to kill something, with a majority of them dying instantly, and the "lead" soldiers don't amount to much. By the end, everyone is dead except for Perseus and I don't give a shit.


I was more entertained by this than the actual flick.
Filler between various points within a film are fantastic. They not only give the movie a rounded feel, the give the opportunity to build on the characters; however, too much or too little can hurt the experience. CotT manages to almost remove this concept entirely. Want to know the movie and its pacing? Baby Perseus found. Perseus is now 20-something. Family sucks at fishing. Hades kills bitches, including family. Perseus captured, taken to city. Hades kills more bitches. Io tells Perseus he's Zeus's son. Perseus sent to defeat Kraken. Perseus fights fallen king. "Elite" warriors killed like bitches. Perseus fights giant scorpions. More "elite" warriors killed like bitches. Perseus fucks with blind bitches. Perseus hunts down Medusa. Last of the "elite" die like bitches. Perseus decapitates snake bitch. Fallen king kills Io. Perseus kills fallen king. Perseus rides horse-bird to city. Kraken kills bitches. Perseus turns Kraken to stone. Perseus now stands near place family died. Zeus resurrects Io. Perseus and Io embrace. Credits roll... like a bitch. Sounds jumpy? That's because it is.

Clash of the Titans managed to make an action adventure filled with mythological creatures boring. Action: meh. Dialog: shit. Character development: non-existent. I was actually shocked that this movie was an hour and forty five minutes long; it felt half that [or double, depending how you look at it]. CotT falls into the land of rentals, but only if nothing else is out.

You can do better than this, Sam...


RATING:


rock hard. live harder. o_O