FotN • Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

a visual orgy :: night at the movies


OPTIMUS FUCKING DIES! Oh, by the way, Spoiler Alert.
First and foremost, if you thought this movie was "the best movie of the year" by any standards, please feel free to open the driver's side door on the closest vehicle you have access to, place your head in the opening, and repeatedly slam the door closed; we, as a people, must cull our numbers, and the removal of cinema idiots are some of the first that need to go.

For those of you with actual taste in film, congratulations on acknowledging how horrid this sad excuse of a film actually is. The only thing going for it is, maybe, the fact that it looks pretty. But with the technology available nowadays to anyone with a bloody camcorder, flashy special effects mean fuck all in the current movie industry. Hell, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button had CGI! There is no excuse [i'm talking to you, bay] that anyone should base an entire movie around animated machines hitting each other; it's tired and, frankly, boring as shit.

Speaking of tired and boring, is anyone else as fed up with this Megan Fox bullshit as I am? We get it. You're attractive. We don't need the paparazzi and media force feeding that down our throats. We especially don't need 45% of the God damned movie dedicated to you running in slow motion. The only reason you're getting any attention at all is because you're a younger, hotter version of Angelina Jolie [oh shit. yeah i said it. suck it.]. The problem with that is that not only will you disappear into nothingness [because your acting skills are shit], but you'll never be as good as an actress as Jolie [and that's pretty sad; she's not that good at all].


I'm pretty so you should worship me. *idiotic girlish, giggle*

So, in two paragraphs, we've established 95% of this craptacular film [well, we only touched on the robotic orgy, but i'm on a roll ripping on the "real" cast]. The other 5%? Mutt Williams running around, screaming like a little bitch, as leagues of robots continually try to save/kill his annoying ass. I would honestly be shocked to find out that his dialog wasn't over half filled with stuck pig-esque squeals. For LeBeouf's sake, I hope he was just portraying an irritating, idiotic vagina of a man, and is not in real life like his character. Otherwise, my fist is in desperate need of a person "conversation" with that child. And I don't normally hit little girls.

GIANT ROBOTS FIGHTING! That incites excitement and epic emotions, does it not? It should and is supposed to. Sadly, Mr. Bay has somehow discovered a way to make said epic scenario into sleep inducing boredom. In the scene where Optimus Prime gets killed [it says at the top i drop spoilers; you were warned], I struggled to give a damn. Actually, I recall struggling to stay conscious. There were so many "action" scenes involving enormous, animated machines that the whole ordeal became tired and repetitive. That and the Final Battle was... dull. Now, I'm not entirely sure whether I found it dull because by then I just wanted to leave or if it really was a let down, but there's no way I'm going back to see.

TRotF [pronounced {uh-nuhth-er pees uhv Mahy-kuhl Bey bool-shit}] was a colossal waste of time. At best, it's a rental; not at all worth a movie ticket to go out and see big screen, regardless of the CGI.

What's the deal with this controversy over the Twins? I liked 'em...


RATING:


rock hard. live harder. o_O