FotN • S. Darko

a visual orgy :: night at the movies


I'm from the future... This movie sucks...
In a time of fairly well done to unbelievably spectacular remakes and sequels, one would hope that this trend would carry on with this story continuation of the cult classic Donnie Darko. *sigh* Let's just dash those hopes while we're ahead, shall we? When I first stumbled upon the trailer many a month ago, I was skeptical on how well it would do [should have taken it as a warning]. Donnie Darko was a mental mind-fuck masterpiece. There's no way a sequel could live up to its glory. I was right.

This brutally long picture [in one hour, forty three minutes, and nine seconds you will want your one hour, forty three minutes, and nine seconds back] was saturated with downright shitty acting and dry dialog. After one of several death scenes [yes, multiple deaths. body count was six throughout], the cop actually responds to a survivor's "How do you explain the car that came out of nowhere?" with "How do you explain midgets or sock monkeys? I don't know. Shit happens." ...what?! If that wasn't bad enough, while enduring a horrid editing and storytelling mechanic reminiscent of asking a Jamaican to explain nuclear physics, the flick randomly slams on the breaks in the form of drawn out, wholly unnecessary musical interludes. Hell, 30 seconds into the movie, you're introduced to the first of many glorified music videos, this one complete with lone girl gazing across the barren wilderness, grasping a pinwheel in her hand. Excuse me while I vomit.


I don't get taken seriously because I carry cigarettes in me sleeve.
Ed Westwick plays the tool Randy [pictured above] and I think there was a plot involving him... Um... Something about his brother going missing? It was difficult trying to get anything out of his character besides a searing rage that I thought only suburban emo kids and pink shirt wearing jocks could instill in me. The rest of the cast was... skin deep. You never developed a connection with anyone [nor did you even want to]. Personalities ranged from apathetic bitch to nerdy psycho to broody tough guy. There was even an obsessed Bible Banger, played by the "talented" Elizabeth Berkley, who... meant diddly to the storyline. She was seriously completely pointless. Frankly, given the chance, most of us wouldn't hesitate in taking 2x4's to any [all] of their faces. *deep breath* But I digress.

There's a story... somewhere in S. Darko, but, along with all the other disappointments, it was shredded and beaten to death by the end. If you would even consider the end an end at all; nothing gets resolved. The viewer is left with more questions and frustrations than before. Who did the bracelet really belong to? What was with the men in black suits who only appeared in the background [zero dialog]? Why didn't Sam rescue the boy who was still trapped in the mine? What the hell was with those meteors? Did Iraq Jack's death really mean anything?! Why did I [or anyone else] waste time on this dreadful sequel?!

Confused? Me too.


RATING:


rock hard. live harder. o_O