by Andrew Huerta 2008
So much potential. I had high hopes... Underworld: Rise of the Lycans is the third movie to be released of this series. If you're some of the very few people who haven't heard or seen the other two, consider yourself lucky. Now before all you fanboys come rushing to my L.A. home, torches and pitchforks in hand, please note that I found the first two quite enjoyable [though there were still a few frustrations i had with those films]. I say that they [i'm talking about the underworld virgins now] are lucky because they'll be stepping into the story at the correct time, thus making it a "fresher" experience; U:RotL is a prequel. For those of you that have seen the prior two will have to sit and try to enjoy back story as much as one who already knows the ending already can.
Let's talk about the premise, shall we? Vampires and Werewolves are fighting an endless battle. One of the vampire lords, Viktor, discovers a captive of his gave birth to one that could change between Man and Werewolf at will. Exploiting this, he uses this child, Lucian, to create a slave race of werewolves that can change forms i.e. Lycans. Years pass, yada yada, and Viktor's daughter, Sonja, ends up having an affair with Lucian. Not unlike Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, no one is pleased with this and the girl dies. Difference? Viktor kills her [dad of the year]. Lucian goes apeshit and starts a revolution. Lycans overrun the castle and the Vamps get their asses kicked. Final conflict shows Lucian and Victor fighting and Viktor dies. Show clip from first Underworld and roll credits.
*sigh* Here come's what's fucked: in the poor excuse for a final battle between Luc and Vik, the anti-hero tears the shit out of our egomaniacal vamp lord, kills the bastard, and Viktor's body falls into the waters below. After the yeah-hooray scene with the Lycans [why did Lucian have to say "it's just beginning."? cheeeesy.], we cut over to Viktor [see: dead guy] walking into his little coffin thing, all hunky dory with a bit of a pissed off look on his face. That's it. What the hell, yo?! Besides that crap ending, U:RotL had quite a few... intense action scenes. When I say "intense," I refer to the fact that they felt as though they were filmed by camera workers suffering from epilepsy. Either that or the editors were amphetamine abusers. Patrick Tatopoulos seemed to have this concept that if you cut a scene to the point of motion sickness, it would convey urgency in it. I got a bloody headache.
If you decide to ignore those minuses, or have an iron stomach, I recommend you go ahead and see the movie. It still was a fairly entertaining ride and the back story was more satisfactory than other prequels I've experienced. There was also a decent, PG-13 sex scene tossed a quarter of the way into the movie [for you pervs in the reader pool]. However, if the Blair Witch Project made you vomit [from motion sickness, not shitty... everything] or you can't stand the sight of blood, pass on this flick.
I need an Advil...
RATING:
rock hard. live harder. o_O
You forgot to mention that during the sex scene that the most awesome position was used. Man's torso hanging over ledge with girl on top. I mean, c'mon! If I wasn't afraid of heights, or dying, I would do that too.
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